Thursday, June 13, 2013

Write At the Merge: The Shadow of Self Doubt

Schlegel wireframe 8-cell.png

Her studio is still the same.  An old chest of drawers, filled with paper and paints.  Hundred year old jars-purple with age, holding her brushes.  The artfully composed arrangement of a chambered nautilus shell and vase of fragrant, sagging lilacs, nestled among the folds of richly ornamented brocade.

As she lingers in the doorway, surveying the room, the overriding atmosphere of harshness cannot be blamed on the afternoon light-casting her studio in deeply shadowed contrast and texture-but rather in how her perception of herself has changed.  She tentatively fingers a small silver palette charm hanging from an intricate twisted-link chain that rides the curves of her neck-as though she cannot quite decide what to do with herself.  

She slips quietly into the room, almost as though she no longer fits comfortably among her paper and brushes and paints, and sits, leaning over an unfinished watercolor, to ponder the question of her talent. Or more to the point, how to right her world, knocked sideways by the just discovered talent of another, so extraordinary-a tesseract among squares if you will-that when glimpsed it tainted her belief in her own abilities.

Even her tears-wrung from eyes that now doubt the merit of her work-threaten to erode her confidence even further-mixing and blending colors in ways she’s certain she’ll never master.

 

tesseract
noun
the generalization of a cube to four dimension

17 comments:

  1. Really lovely portrait (forgive the pun). I can see her, and I can feel her despair. Really moving.

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    1. Thank you so much!! And I love the pun!

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  2. Self-doubt is always so harsh, so punitive. I really felt her despair right in the gut. Great job!

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    1. Thanks! I was going for a feeling of despair-and how it does feel like a punch. I've been in her shoes:)

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  3. hi Valerie! I guess we can generalize about almost anything. Thank you for you nice, enthusiastic compliment!

    Have a tremendous day, okay?
    (hug)

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    1. Renae-you are welcome, and I hope you have a great weekend! (hug back at you!)

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  4. Gosh, I feel so sad for her! I know the feeling though as everyone has battled with self doubt. No matter how good we are at something, there is always going to be someone who is better.

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    1. Tammy-that is so true. If only it was an easy pill to swallow:)

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  5. Lovely from beginning to end, particularly your unique phrasing. Well done!

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    1. Thank you so much, Jo-Anne!! I always appreciate your lovely comments!

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  6. That's a tough prompt. You worked it so well! I do feel her sadness.

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    1. Thanks Lisa. I always appreciate your comments too:)

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  7. Oh this makes me sad. Great writing my friend. B

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    1. B-I'm going to try to write something happier next-I realize I'm on sort of a depressing roll lately! Thank you for reading this, my friend:)

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  8. ...a feeling I know well. But it's always short-lived, thank goodness. You've written a brilliant short-short, once again!

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    1. Dawn-me too. In fact I'm struggling (hard) with the feeling right now. I can't tell you how much comfort I feel knowing that you are a sister-in-arms in that regard, because I think your talent is extraordinary!

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  9. "The artfully composed arrangement of a chambered nautilus shell and vase of fragrant, sagging lilacs, nestled among the folds of richly ornamented brocade."

    That is gorgeous, Valerie!

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