Monday, October 28, 2013

The Good Stuff

I simply adore Halloween.

Handing out enough fun-sized chocolate bars to potentially bankrupt me, all the while wearing, to the point of pain, the most convincing tickled-pink smile I can muster.  Gushing conventional exclamations of cuteness at costume clad ankle-biters, while trying to hide my disgust over sticky fingers and faces.  Which, to be perfectly honest, I don’t find very cute.

Year. After year. After year.

This Halloween, I come to the following conclusion:

Never Again.

Instead, I buy the thrifty ten-pound “value” bag of assorted mystery candy, set the sack alongside an index card scrawled with Help Yourself on a small table near the front door-and then proceed to congratulate myself on the genius of my plan every time I hear the scuttling feet of greedy witches and vampires climb my porch steps.

By midnight, long past the hour when most kids have gone to bed with tummy aches and the beginnings of tooth decay, I’m sleeping soundly. 

The doorbell rings.  Rousingly, and repeatedly.  Like a sucker from my bargain bag of sweets, I answer.

Two “ghosts” wearing white sheets with holes cut out for eyes, are standing on my welcome mat. One of them is holding the bag of candy.

It’s late, I pronounce sternly, hoping to sound more than slightly irritated.  Didn’t you see the sign? 

By way of a response, both 400 thread-count percale-clad spirits sit down on my porch and start to boo me.  And as my eyes adjust to the darkness, Sweet Mary and Joseph, I see them.  Scores of costume clad trick or treaters camped out on my lawn.  Chanting.  Demanding the good stuff.

Snickers!  Butterfinger!  Milky Way!


12:30 a.m.

I’m headed to an all-night market to purchase appeasement. I find a glimmer of consolation in this thought:  Technically, it’s the day after Halloween. 

Candy should be half price.

 

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2013/10/trifecta-week-101.html

 

Inspired by Hitchcock’s “The Birds”

This was, of course, written in the spirit of mischievous fun.  I love Halloween, and I really do think costume clad ankle-biters are pretty cute.  My own ankle biter will go off to college next fall, and instead of moping around, lamenting that fact, I’m trying extra hard to keep my spirits-Halloween and otherwise-high.

22 comments:

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    1. Thank you so much Ann! That makes me happy:)

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  2. Enjoyed the boos and the candy :-)

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  3. Very fun! We have lived here for 15 years and never once had a trick or treater.

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    1. Thanks Lisa! And we have plenty of trick or treaters to go around-I could send you some;)

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  4. I'm taking my ankle biter trick-or-treating for the first time this year. He hates me. He is only two so doesn't understand that candy will be involved, and only focuses on the fact that his tigger costume has a head piece that *gasp* touches his head!

    Evil mom.

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  5. Andrea, aren't kids funny?! When my daughter was two, people would hand her candy, and she'd try to hand it right back. That was fine by me for the cheap mystery stuff-but when she tried to hand back chocolate, I had to intervene;)

    And a head piece that touches the head-lol!! That's cute!

    Have fun with your son on Thursday!:)

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  6. Haha too funny! Perfect timing for this piece :)

    When I was growing up, we weren't allowed to celebrate Halloween (strict religious upbringing). We would turn off all the lights in the house and either hide out in the basement or go somewhere to avoid the trick or treaters. It always made me so sad!

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    1. Thanks Tammy! That is sad! But I just love your dear little homestead, the life that David and you have made there, and how you embrace all of the fall season, so much more than just Halloween (which is getting over commercialized anyway!) You inspire me:)

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  7. Valerie! You are so fun and funny. I love the part in your story that everyone was laying as zombies on your lawn just to haunt you. So cleaver. You know that link you gave me from F21 won't link cuz you didn't make is a link, capeesh? Interested but cannot see it. Want to email it to me. Happy Halloween and may you not have haunting nightmares, please!!! ♥

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    1. Thanks Renae! I'm glad you liked this one-and I'll email you the link. I know you'll love what I found!

      No nightmares here, hopefully-unless we run out of the good stuff;)

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  8. This is so good, Valerie - love the phrases, almost see the orange of Halloween splashed all along this post and enjoyed the "boo". You write awesome, my friend!

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate that!! My posts lately have been Halloween candy sugar fueled-very inspiring:)

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  9. This was so fun to read. Way to go, Valerie!

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    1. Momo-a big, big thanks! I'm so glad you liked it:)

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  10. I have two ankle biters in college but the third has arranged a pre-trick-or-treat party chez nous, complete with pizza and pop. Nothing like a little sugar to get the ball rolling. Do like the idea of half-price. Spent 23.00 yesterday for the "just in case" extra candy - We're told to expect 300 kids.

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  11. Thanks for the laugh. This was fun to read, although a little too close to home for me. As I often work late, I have been known on Halloween to commit the sin of leaving the bowl of candy out with the note. However, I do usually choose the good stuff. Fortunately, no one has chosen to haunt my place...YET:~)

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  12. Fortunately for me, all the kids in my neighborhood have outgrown trick or treating. Any candy I have in the house, I keep for myself.

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  13. Yet another advantage to living in Spain: no trick or treaters. Wasn't even any Halloween until the dollar stores started proliferating and hauling over cardboard pumpkins from China. (I'm not a big holiday person. That's putting it lightly.)
    This was great, Valerie. Love the image of the 'revolutionaries' camped on the lawn for candy. That's certainly how it feels, sometimes.

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  14. Moral of the story-beware of feeding quality chocs to trick or treaters unless you are ready to continue doing it for the rest of your life ,lol!What a fun take on the prompt Valerie :D

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  15. Haha! Great job sketching out your character in such a short piece. I enjoyed this one. Don't forget the Reeses. :-) Thanks for linking up.

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